How to Find A Shemale Girlfriend
Dating a shemale girlfriend is a tricky world to navigate. You can’t tell what’s coming for you since you can’t predict a person’s thoughts, decisions, and actions. If you think it’s hard for you, wait until you hear from trans women’s experiences and insights.
Has society progressed in terms of LGBT+ rights? Yes. However, there’s much work to do to achieve genuine equality; this change applies to both political and societal levels. And for some trans women, it’s a long and uphill battle. They want to shed the derogatory shemale label and society to see them for what they truly are: women.
Everyone wants a good love story, right? But before we get to happy endings, we need good beginnings first—especially for trans women. If you’re looking for a lucky lady to love, keep your eyes peeled for the rest of this entry.
What Dating Is Like For A Trans Woman
A trans woman approaches dating differently from cisgender women. The latter doesn’t have to deal with homophobia, transphobia, and other societal stigmas.
This HuffPost article details just one of the many times trans women, unfortunately, encounter straight and cisgender men who only see them as secret hookups and nothing less. This paragraph hits the nail on the internalized transphobia and stigmas by simply narrating a man’s facial expression:
A park bench, a coffee shop, a restaurant—where we meet and who the guy is doesn’t matter. It’s always the same, trans-attracted dude, and the same look of fear on his face. I’ve seen it before, and I will see it again.
Pretty upsetting, yes? Trans women deal with this (and many other things) when dating. Instead of being open about it, most men they meet up with find their fragile masculinity challenged if they admit to dating them. The secrecy they ask for contributes to the unfair misconception regarding dating trans women. And frankly, they’re rightfully fed up.
All that trans women ask is to stop the shaming and let them date without judgment and secrecy. They deserved to be loved and showed off just as much as everyone else!
Are You Looking For A Shemale Girlfriend?
Finding trans women has never been easier in this 21st century. Dating apps (especially the ones dedicated to trans people) get rid of the awkwardness that comes with face-to-face dates and meet-cutes. And while we’re still in a pandemic, it’s probably the safest option. If you want to give online dating a try, give TrulyLadyBoy a shot! The app’s pretty easy to use, so signing up shouldn’t be a sweat!
Don’t want to give online dating a go? That’s fine. Don’t feel too pressured by people to go into that. Old-school meetups are still fine, by the way. Trans women are everywhere, so you shouldn’t have too much of a hard time. Just remember to be careful!
How to Date A Trans Woman
Dating a trans woman isn’t that much different from dating a cisgender one. However, people may need some reminding here and there about their treatment of them. Allow us to tell you what to do:
1. See them as a person, not a fetish
In case this isn’t obvious enough, trans women are people too! The social stigmas surrounding them hurt them a lot; imagine being slapped in the face and given the middle finger right after. It just sucks.
Remember the HuffPost article we mentioned earlier? This soundbite should be more than enough to show how most trans women feel about being seen as mere novelties:
I’m treated like a perpetual post-midnight booty call, reduced to some fetish or kink that can only be explored under a hidden veil of shame. It makes me feel dirty, like a horrible secret. It’s a degrading, disgraceful feeling to not want to be seen with—to be unwanted and unacknowledged is rejection.
Ladies, if a man does this to you, never settle for that! You deserve more than just a lousy one-night stand with a man who isn’t even worth the trouble.
2. Never assume anything
Trans women aren’t a monolith. Believe us when we tell you not to prescribe to stereotypes—it’s annoying and rude. The best thing to do here is to avoid labels; see trans women beyond their orientation and get to know them on a deeper level. You may be surprised about what you’ll learn once they slowly reveal their personalities.
Every woman offers something different, and that shouldn’t be a bad thing. Leave your judgments at the door and just enjoy the date! Not only are they out for love, but they want to have a good time while looking for it too. As Cyndi Lauper puts it, girls just want to have fun!
3. They are not search engines
Friendly reminder: trans women aren’t Google. Don’t drag the mood down and turn dates into search queries and long lectures! That’s not what you two are up for, right?
Quell your curiosities by doing your research before your date. And yes, you can use Google this time around. This way, you won’t have to waste your time asking her annoying and stereotypical questions. Trans women want you to treat them like any other woman, so talk about normal topics instead. Trust us—she’ll thank you for it.
4. Gender and sexuality are different
Let’s get this out of the way: sexuality and gender are not the same! Just because you’re seeing a trans woman (regardless if she’s had surgery or not) doesn’t mean you’re not a straight man anymore. Hooking up with someone doesn’t change how you identify yourself as well.
Get the confusion out of the way by being clear about your identity. Setting the record straight (no pun intended) about your orientation reinforces your (potential) trans date’s visibility. Remember to acknowledge the privilege that comes with your identity as you try to make your relationship visible.
5. They’re not your dirty little secret
Some men tend to keep their relationships with trans women a secret. Why? You can point your fingers at social stigmas.
Society’s treatment towards masculinity places men in a chokehold due to expectations and pressures, resulting in repressed feelings, and in this case, relationships. Together, the repression and stigmas create a sense of fear of rejection amongst trans-dating males upon discovery.
Keeping your dates with trans women a secret is quite disrespectful. If he isn’t willing to be out in the open with you soon, think about whether you want to be together with him or not.
6. Keep the backhanded compliments to yourself
Try saying, “I didn’t think you were trans. You don’t look like it!” to a trans woman, and chances are, she’ll ditch you after the date. Don’t be rude, and please keep comments like that in the trash.
She’s not playing mind games! Trans women aren’t con artists, so please don’t misinterpret her gender expression as trickery—she’s not Loki! Author and producer Janet Mock said it best in her book, Redefining Realness:
I am a woman. I live my life as a woman and that’s how I should be perceived. I’m not passing as anything—I’m being. Being myself.
7. Rejection sucks
Getting dumped by dates blows, especially if you’ve fallen hard! As much as we all like to say that we don’t need the men who broke our hearts, the truth is, rejection hurts. Trans women aren’t the exception—who doesn’t want to love and be loved?
If you’re a trans woman reading this, do know that it’s okay to have a good cry over a broken heart! Do what you want to do for your healing. You can listen to sad music, cut your hair, hang out with your friends—take your time as long as it helps you mend.
8. Their gender identity doesn’t define them
Trans women embrace their identity and make it their strength. But as much as they’re out and proud, there’s more to them than their labels. They don’t make it their personality trait and won’t let it define them.
9. They have standards too
Don’t mistake trans women as desperate. They won’t just jump into the arms of the first man they see just for the sake of it. Never assume they’ll take the bare minimum. Friendly reminder: you’re not the only guy in the universe.
10. They want love just as much as cisgender people do
This isn’t a tall order, is it? They deserve a man who won’t think twice about proudly declaring and sharing your relationship with the world. This bit from a Los Angeles Times article resonates with most trans women who simply want somebody to love:
Trans people are always made to feel that we should be lucky that someone wants us, that we should be grateful.
Dating (and falling in love with) a trans woman is just as magical as being with a cisgender lady. They don’t have to explain themselves and their identities to everyone since they’re just freely living their lives. So if you find yourself falling for one, don’t hesitate to take the plunge!
